As we are approaching the one year mark of shelter in place and the start of a very new world atop of a new moon weekend I am feeling a need to grieve. This week was hard, really hard, and I have had to think long and hard on what I want my new future to look like.

I am getting to the point where I am really starting to miss things. Mind you, I am naturally a very impatient person, but since shelter in place, I have been very patient.

  • Norway was canceled
  • My live shows were canceled
  • Mendocino was canceled
  • Making a stool in woodworking was canceled
  • In person school for my daughter was canceled
  • 5th grade graduation was held from home
  • Starting 6th grade at a new school and the experience of middle school was canceled
  • Racial inequities were amplified 
  • Politics erupted

I have spent all this time being patient and you know what? I am tired of it. I am tired of being patient, and I am tired of being responsible, but I must remain responsible, it's the right thing to do.

Despite this feeling, I have hope. There is still things on my list that I have not done yet. I still want to learn to identify the birds that visit the garden, I still want to try new recipes, I want to finish my cookbook and publish it, I want to release a new album.

As someone who can say with confidence 2020 was not my worst year means a lot. I have perspective, having experienced a much darker, lonely time, when my world collapsed on me. My only option was to dig myself out, or give up. I decided on the latter.

We must stay resilient and understand that this will all be a memory. I don’t want to cause someone pain by being irresponsible, so I will stay vigilant, wear my mask, and keep my pod small.

The positives of this time were many. 

  • I started Bambini Del Mare and released 4 patterns! (after paying for the domain for years!)
  • I was able to return to school to finish my degree in Apparel Design and Merchandising after a 10 year break
  • I went camping for my birthday
  • I stayed healthy and kept my family healthy
  • I slept more
  • I let go of challenging clients
  • I had my most successful live show ever, held socially distanced with a friend
  • I moved to a new place with better lighting
  • I wrote, a lot
  • I worked on my French
  • I taught my child how to machine sew
  • I ate from the garden
  • I got to see my child transition from a kid to a pre-teen

I will remain hopeful. If you feel your flame is flickering out, reach out to a friend. We are all experiencing this together. We can support one another.

What is something you wanted to start in 2020 that you could make time for in 2021? What do you miss?


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